Quotations by Isabelle Fox

The four major roles that each spouse must perform in an enduing relationship: 1) Friend/companion/adviser; 2) Lover and sexual partner; 3) Parent (if there are children); 4) Lifetime business partner (in a partnership that can never be dissolved once there are children). The two requirements for a successful marriage: 1) Possess the emotional capacity to make and sustain an exclusive lifetime commitment to a mate; 2) Be a good match for his/her mate. [2011] - Isabelle Fox

Most marital authorities agree that sex, although essential, comprises only a minor percentage of the total requirements of successful marriage. [2011] - Isabelle Fox

It is a very good idea to attempt to determine if it is a good match before you marry and certainly before there are children. Ten red flag items: 1) Single; 2) Well treated, loved and nurtured in early years; 3) Good relationship with parents, siblings and grandparents; 4) Able to control anger; 5) Enjoy time together; 6) Sexual attraction; 7) Agreement on moral, ethical and political issues; 8) Agreement on major goals: having a family, religious affiliation, childcare; 9) No addiction to smoking, alcohol, drugs or gambling; 10) No major physical, mental or emotional health problems. [2011] - Isabelle Fox

A potential spouse who has a son or daughter poses several marital risks. Falling in love with someone does not necessarily mean you will have a positive relationship with his or her child. Even though both members of the couple may genuinely enjoy and accept their new stepchildren, there is no guarantee that the feelings will be reciprocated by the children involved. Child support can test and add stress to a relationship as it places additional demands and financial strains on the marriage. This is especially true if the other parent of the children chooses to cause trouble. [2011] - Isabelle Fox

A prospective partner having a previous marriage raises serious questions that do not exist when both marital prospects have a "clean slate." Such concerns can include: 1) If there is a divorce (instead of a death), why did the divorce occur? Were there financial problems, addiction problems or sexual issues? 2) Did either of the spousal partners in the previous marriage have a commitment problem or was it a poor match? Logically, unless the divorced person has his or her own serious emotional problems, the odds of success should be better the second time around. [2011] - Isabelle Fox

When the age difference between spouses is under ten years, they most likely have similar historical and cultural experiences and backgrounds with music, movies, political events and folk heroes. Both will have lived during approximately the same generation and they are more likely to relate to and understand each other. If both male and female are in their fifties or beyond, with children grown and self-supporting--a twenty-year age difference may not be as significant. [2011] - Isabelle Fox

Couples need to understand that the failure to feel mutual joy and satisfaction should cause them to question whether they should continue the relationship. Boredom is the enemy of romance and signals a lack of a most essential ingredient: mutual enjoyment of time spent together, particularly when the couple is alone. Marriages without this key factor rarely endure. [2011] - Isabelle Fox

If there is no mutual physical or sexual attraction, most couples will not expect the relationship to proceed toward marriage. If, for instance, a man persists and attempts to show affection but the woman rejects his advances and makes it clear she is not interested or vice versa, that usually signals the end of the relationship. [2011] - Isabelle Fox

Should a difference in political affiliation be of great concern? The answer depends on whether or not differing political views cause any significant conflicts. Even if political views are very different, partners may agree to respect, tolerate, tease and even enjoy each other's point of view. [2011] - Isabelle Fox

Once the couple marries, both lose "complete financial independence." Joint decision making is required and other qualities such as flexibility come into play. Income, investments and spending needs may vary greatly over the years. The ability to discuss and face these issues openly is vital to future harmony in the relationship. [2011] - Isabelle Fox

As feelings and emotions grow they often can cloud the ability to make a rational evaluation of a prospective spouse. When the connection progresses, the parties usually develop as the desire for more proximity and contact. Intense emotions may override good judgments that might otherwise cause one partner to end the relationship. It can be increasingly difficult to separate from a developing attachment figure. Often, the prospect of being alone, without contact, companionship or sexual pleasure can be more anxiety provoking and frightening than continuing a dysfunctional relationship. So it is important, as early as possible in the relationship, to recognize qualities in a potential spouse and decide whether or not you can live with them before an attachment is formed. [2011] - Isabelle Fox

Premarital cohabitation can be a very positive and revealing experience since it provides a couple the opportunity to test the marital environment to see if it "feels right." There will be opportunities for observation of temperaments and their abilities to nurture and occasions to gain information about their family histories and relationships. Cohabitation should only take place between couples with a definite or at least tentative decision to marry. They should both retain their own living quarters and try out the living together option for a month or two (or more). [2011] - Isabelle Fox

A minimum of six months to a year or even more is advisable for the period of courtship and engagement, with lots of time spent together engaging in all sorts of activities: sports, discussions, parties, vacations, book groups, etc. If the couple lives together, after carefully considering this important step, it will provide them with information that will be helpful in making the ultimate decision to marry or not. It is important to try to plan no pregnancy for at least a year. The early period of marriage calls for adjustments: mental, physical, financial and emotional. All of these possibly negative concerns can be ameliorated if pregnancy is delayed until the marriage seems stable and prepared for the very considerable impact of children on the relationship. [2011] - Isabelle Fox

From our perspective on the spouse hunt, we suggest that you spend your money, energy and time on groups where you can see the same people at least once a week or a few times a month. This sensible approach will facilitate and expedite your search for Mr. or Ms. Right. There are many spouse search opportunities that are available: writer training/discussion groups, book reading clubs, cooking training and many kinds of seminars. Remember to attend groups that last at least a few weeks or even months, since it is difficult to do much useful spouse searching on a three-day weekend, no matter how "intense and personal." [2011] - Isabelle Fox

Marrying for a second time when there are no children poses fewer complications and problems. However, former spouses, living or dead, may still impact the relationship. The newly divorced may still have joint ownership with the ex-spouse of a home, condominium or other assets. In addition, there may also be substantial liabilities of which they are unaware and which can seriously impact a new marriage. It is incumbent upon the couple to disclose and discuss such items with each other so there are no unpleasant surprises after the couple marries. [2011] - Isabelle Fox

Those who have been single for many years may have developed their own set of living routines. But they must be flexible enough to adjust to new and unfamiliar daily routines for a new relationship to take root. [2011] - Isabelle Fox

prenuptial financial agreements may be considered, particularly if the couple is older, had been married for many years previously and acquired considerable assets before the death occurred. This agreement will usually focus on what can occur, whether the second marriage ends in divorce or death or even if it continues for a number of years. [2011] - Isabelle Fox

As one grows older, the pool of eligible and available men and women becomes smaller. The decision to marry is often influenced by the fear of being single and alone and the need to form a secure attachment. A person may feel pressure to marry and may settle for someone who might be a marital risk. Some people at this stage may marry realizing there is a tradeoff and enter into their marriage aware of and prepared for some of the conflicts and pitfalls ahead. [2011] - Isabelle Fox