Quotations by Bonnie Jacobson

If you can manage the initial discomfort, it's worth joining an established group in which most members are of the gender you're seeking. Shy men who want to meet women might consider taking a course like flower arranging, pottery, or home decorating (ideally, whatever you sign up for should truly interest you) or joining a reading group at the library or local bookstore. Dance, yoga, or Pilates classes are also excellent options for men. [2004] - Bonnie Jacobson

Volunteering with an organization that interests you is a great way to meet others and boost your social fitness. Focusing the limelight on the goals of the organization and/or the lives of others may reduce your self-consciousness. An added bonus: Besides meeting others who share a common goal, studies show that the altruism you feel by being actively involved with a charitable organization may boost you immune system and promote longevity. [2004] - Bonnie Jacobson

For general stress relief associated with shyness management, connect with nature to develop a sense of being part of a larger whole. Going for a leisurely walk in the park or sitting by a river and experiencing a sense of the sacredness of all things, like the splendor of a spring day or the divinity of a sunset, can ease stress and help put issues into perspective. [2004] - Bonnie Jacobson

Smile if you notice someone cute on the subway, in the elevator in your building, or at your job. If you see this person a second time, you say something like, "it looks like we're on the same schedule. My name is... And you?" Then, follow up with a question, such as "Do you work (or live) in the building? I live (or work) on the seventeenth floor." The socially confident know that they often have to make the first move and be a bit forthcoming. [2004] - Bonnie Jacobson

Start small by making sure your day-to-day routine involves others. Try talking to strangers of all kinds, such as salesclerks, the man or woman behind the dry-cleaning counter, the mailperson, or other parents at your children's school. The goal isn't ultimately to date them; it's to become comfortable talking to people you don't know well. A simple question, such as "how are you?" as you're paying for groceries or holding the door, or even just smiling and saying hello, can provide a background of positive social interactions. The courage history you build through these small steps can help you take it a degree further and begin talking to an interesting-looking stranger who crosses your path. [2004] - Bonnie Jacobson

Vying for a second date can be even harder than asking for the first, especially if the first was a set-up. What to do? Lead with something you learned about the person on the first date. Did she mention that she likes to swing dance? Then ask her to a dance club the gives free lessons. Does he like to bike ride? Then suggest going cycling together on a scenic local bike trail. [2004] - Bonnie Jacobson

When saying goodnight, you might: 1) Add, "I had a really great time. Do you want to get together net week?" 2) Call her at home the next day to say thanks for the date and invite her for another. 3) Once you're home, call and leave a message on his machine to say thanks and that you're looking forward to going out again sometime--it'll be the first thing he hears when get gets home. [2004] - Bonnie Jacobson

When you're not in bed--perhaps you're walking in the park or having a quiet dinner together--and you're not as shy, talk about it. You might say something like, "I know I have trouble telling you when I want to make love and even letting myself go when I'm in the mood. It's because I feel scared." [2004] - Bonnie Jacobson

Although you don't have to mention your shyness right in your profile, you might-or just hint at it in your e-mail correspondence by writing something like, "I'm a little quiet at first, but once I get to know someone, I'm off and running," or "I'm somewhat reserved initially, but quite the opposite when I'm comfortable in my surroundings." [2004] - Bonnie Jacobson